The Haley Branch Blurb Take 2

The Hamlet Symphny - Alt Image

A few weeks ago I posted a couple of draft blurbs for The Halley Branch.  Since then, I have sat on them, not trying to think of them at all.  This weekend I decided to have another go at the blurb.  Here is what I came up with:

An evil 300 years in the making.  A trap set 150 years in the past.

The day should have been a normal “family day” at the Hawkins’ Mausoleum, but a premonition followed Trevor into the crypt. To make matters worse, he couldn’t shake his morning vision of dead woman draped in a funeral-shroud.

After rescuing a girl trapped in the tomb, repressed memories force him to reevaluate everything. Is his extended family a cult with roots going back to America’s colonial past?  Is the evil Benjamin Halley still stalking his tomb after 150 years? Is there any truth to the Power described by the family’s patriarch, Miles Hawkins?

Trevor realizes that he is being manipulated and drawn into a trap set in the 19th century, and fears that everyone around him has already been ensnared.  Who can he trust?  The members of his own family’s Branch, The Bradford’s, like his cousins Bill or Stan?  Perhaps members of the Hawkins Branch, such as the beautiful but jaded Amelie?  The one Branch he knows not to trust is the extinct Halley Branch.

But the Halley’s are the ones who are welcoming him with open, if dead, arms.

– –

I also decided to do a long version.  This gives a little bit of background to the main story.

An evil 300 years in the making.  A trap set 150 years in the past.

Miles Hawkins had three children, who he raised according to his sometimes brilliant, but often bizarre, philosophy.  The youngest child, Abigail, married the bright sea captain, Jonathan Bradford, and became the matriarch of the Bradford Branch of the family.  Next oldest, the only surviving son, Ebenezer, freed and then married a slave, Phoebe/Faith, continuing the family name in the Hawkins Branch.  The eldest child, Mary, married the icy cold Gustave Halley, founding the Halley Branch.

The very thin Halley Branch, with rarely more than two members alive at any given time, were a strange lot and kept to themselves, while the rest of the extended family gathered for special days, as prescribed by the patriarch, Miles.  But then, in 1875, the last of the Halleys, Benjamin, died childless, bringing the branch to its end.

This was history that Trevor, a descendant of Abigail Bradford, had known since his early childhood. But he had seen it as just that, history.  He had never imagined that one day he would become embroiled into this continuing story.

The day should have been a normal “family day” at the Hawkins’ Mausoleum, but a premonition followed Trevor into the crypt. To make matters worse, he couldn’t shake his morning vision of dead woman draped in a funeral-shroud.

After rescuing a girl trapped in the tomb, repressed memories force him to reevaluate everything. Is his extended family a cult with roots going back to America’s colonial past?  Is the evil Benjamin Halley still stalking his tomb after 150 years?  Is there any truth to the Power described by the family’s patriarch, Miles Hawkins?

Trevor realizes that he is being manipulated and drawn into a trap set in the 19th century, and fears that everyone around him has already been ensnared.  Who can he trust?  The members of his own family’s Branch, The Bradford’s, like his cousins Bill or Stan?  Perhaps members of the Hawkins Branch, such as the beautiful but jaded Amelie?  The one Branch he knows not to trust is the extinct Halley Branch.

But the Halley’s are the ones who are welcoming him with open, if dead, arms.

So, what do you think?  Does it sound like a book you would like to read?  It is in that area between Urban Fantasy and Horror, though closer to Urban/Contemporary Fantasy.

Note – the image at the top is the image I used when I posted The Halley Branch as a serial on my blog.  Every new chapter used that image, so it became identified with the story in my mind.

9 thoughts on “The Haley Branch Blurb Take 2

    1. trentpmcd Post author

      Thanks. Hmmm, I see the tense change but not sure how I’ll fix it… The present tense sentences are Trevor’s thoughts, so I could put it in quotes. But that doesn’t look good. Maybe change to pass tense, thus making them the narrator’s thoughts, or perhaps the narrator’s interpretation of Trevor’s thoughts… Hmm. Still working it out. Thanks.

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  1. Jelli

    It’s good writing, that’s for sure. I’m not much into the ‘mystical’ or ‘occult’ type stories, though. Sorry. I probably wouldn’t buy it on the market unless I was looking for a book to make into altered art. Maybe that’s too harsh to say,but its the truth. You’ve got great descriptors and the historical time-shifting is neat.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. trentpmcd Post author

      Thanks. I know that not every book is for every person. Funny thing, though, the people who followed it from the beginning to end when I posted it on the blog where people who usually don’t read much horror or “occult”. But then, there is “magic” (ESP?), ghosts, strange philosophy and people who practice that strange philosophy, so I guess, if the shoe fits ;)

      Liked by 1 person

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