The Spell (longer version)

eyes-green

My anxiety rose with the elevator.  I had no idea what I’d find once I landed on the 42nd floor and entered Esmerelda’s apartment.  Was I the lover on the way to a tryst or a fly heading into a spider’s web?  It didn’t matter, she had cast her spell and I was hooked.

I had met Esmerelda just a couple of days before.  Actually, that’s wrong, for I should say Esmerelda met me.  The coincidence that brought us together, the coffee I bought to make it up to her, everything, seem to be part of her design, her scheme.  I know, I was being paranoid, it was just a coincidence.  There is no way the unforeseen can be planned.

Our conversation as we enjoyed our coffee together was no different than the conversation between any two strangers who are brought together and find each other attractive, but after she separated all I could think about was that some of her questions were strange.  Did I believe in the supernatural?  Do weird things happen around me?  Did I sometimes feel things before they happened?  Off the wall questions like that, which usually aren’t brought up in everyday conversation.  Her sparkling green eyes laughed at me and I knew those eyes would laugh at any answer I could give.

Those eyes, that’s the reason I was getting off the elevator and walking to apartment 4242, to see those eyes again, those magical eyes.

The door opened before I could knock.  Her hair was wet and she was wearing only a robe.

“You’re early.  I know, just by a few minutes.  Don’t worry, come on in and make yourself at home.  I’ll be with you in just a moment.  Then we can find out if…”  She cut herself off with a smile.  Her eyes laughed merrily at my confusion as I entered the fresh, stark apartment.

Sinking into the ultra-functional chair I couldn’t help but notice the huge book on the coffee table.  The ancient tome clashed with the Contemporary Scandinavian décor.  Without thinking I lifted the heavy leather cover and flipped a few velum pages.  Stopping randomly I read aloud the nonsense verse.

Esmerelda burst from the bedroom,not quite fully dress.  “Stop!”

She slammed the book shut just as I read the last words. She stared at me wide-eyed.  The green fire wasn’t laughing.  I knew she was afraid.  She turned and rushed to the window.

The city seemed peaceful from her 42nd floor apartment.  Peaceful for a moment, but then something descended from the sky, its batwings touching the buildings on either side, its fiery breath engulfing the traffic jam. I could feel the heat through the building as the dragon took to the air again, a city bus in its talons.

Esmerelda shook her head as she watched.  “OK, now we know, no need for further testing. It’s confirmed, you have the Power.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat.  I had the Power, but did I have power enough to stop that?

—-

I know, this is a bit of a repeat from yesterday.  I liked the story I idea but didn’t think I did justice to it in only 100 words.  This is less than 500.  What do you think?  Do you like the short version better or this one?

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17 thoughts on “The Spell (longer version)

  1. joannesisco

    I liked having read the short version first … like a summary on the inside sleeve of a book. The longer version gives the story background and therefore added more depth.
    I considered your concern that it might not have been clear to the reader that she was trying to establish whether he had the Power. In the short version, I don’t think it really mattered. The ending made it clear that the question had existed and the answer was now confirmed.
    The longer version established who was questioning it.
    For me, both versions worked and as a reader I’d be interested in more of the story.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. trentpmcd Post author

      Thanks. Since I know exactly what i wanted to say it’s sometimes hard for me to know if that is what i really said, particularly with 100 words. So I guess i did get the point of the story across. One thing I was trying to do with the long version is make the reader think that the spell of the title was the spell Esmeralda cast on the main character. Of course after reading the short version you wouldn’t think that. Perhpas I will revisit this again some day. Even the “longer version” is pretty short.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
    1. trentpmcd Post author

      With the short version I was a little worried that it might not be clear that she had brought the protagonist over to test to see if he had “the Power”. But I guess there is only so much you can do in 100 words.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  2. Pingback: If We Were Having Coffee – 4/2/2016 | Trent's World (the Blog)

    1. trentpmcd Post author

      Thanks Corina. With yesterday’s story my main concern is it might be possible to miss the “I” in the story had no idea he had power or that that was the reason she had invited him over, to find out if he did or not.

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