Your Sun

Blackhole Mind

It’s a grey day
Cold and wet
I’ve had a large coffee
But my brain
Hasn’t started yet
Full of fog
And kind of numb
I can’t think straight
Or do right
I feel dumb
My thoughts
Come out so hazy
And I don’t want
To do anything
I’m awfully lazy
The opposite of happy
Isn’t sad
I have to say
It’s complete void
That feels so bad

I chase you away
I’m no fun
But deep inside
I need you near
To be my sun
Melt my clouds
And cast your ray
Burn the fog
Lift the mist
Away
I need you
To brighten my day

Yeah, this poem is a bit darker than I usually write. Of course I had to end it at least slightly upbeat note. Don’t worry, I’ll have a Smile later in the day :)

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17 thoughts on “Your Sun

  1. Pingback: Expressing the Inexpressible | Trent's World (the Blog)

  2. Pingback: If We Were Having Coffee – 12-19-2015 | Trent's World (the Blog)

  3. idiotwriter

    Goinf through the voids hope is… knowing you always do come out the other side finding what you need. Somehow.. and I really am not sure exactly how… rhings turn up when we need them… even when we think we should push them away. :)
    Glad you feel a bit better today.

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    1. trentpmcd Post author

      With me the void is never so wide as to be unbearable. Things do usually work out somehow. My down this week wasn’t super down, more I did not want to do anything, didn’t want to work (but I still did, at least some), just wanted to go home and go to bed. Well, I’m awake now, the haze is mostly gone :) Things usually do turn up. Maybe not what we wanted or expected, but often what we need. Wait, how does that Rolling Stone’s song go? You can’t always get… oh never mind ;)

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        1. trentpmcd Post author

          Get to work and it’s dark. Get home from work and it’s dark… Not good ;) Also, besides having to walk every day I need to run 2 or 3 times a week. Since I’ve been sick I haven’t been running. I can really feel the huge difference not running for 2 weeks has had on me.

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  4. camilledefleurville

    Don’t worry if your depression does not last. Start worrying if they turn into a loooooong state. I have been suffering from burnout and depression for years now and been under medications. It is rather difficult. It is one of the reasons why I started writing and blogging. Creative activity helps. But you know this better than I. :) Things may be better now for you – or so I hope!

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    1. trentpmcd Post author

      A lot of bloggers seem to come here (here=blogging) because of their depression. I can’t complain. I have short bouts on occasion but nothing like a lot of people I know. Most of the time I’m pretty up. Monday and Tuesday the weather was wet and cold and hazy and my mood followed it. I felt numb most of Tuesday (could also be from recovering from my cold/flu). I wrote this Tuesday as I was coming out of it but posted today. So I’m not worried or that bad off. Creativity does help, but of course it takes a lot to get it in motion when you feel like this. Once it is in motion……

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      1. camilledefleurville

        I know. I have spent months rolled in a tight ball, in the dark, in my bed. There are still days when I would like to do this again but can’t because The Girls are here. Wet, cold, and hazy weather does not help, and you seem to have had a very bad cold. I am gad you are feeling better.

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        1. trentpmcd Post author

          I’m sorry your depression was so bad. Having someone you have to take care of does motivate you. Yep, I’m feeling better – sunny skies (if cool) in and out and the cold/flu that has been hanging on for about 2 weeks is almost gone. I hope you are good despite the illness in your house. And i hope you have a great day!

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          1. camilledefleurville

            I solve sme problems by delegating. I have asked the cleaning ladies and gardening Agency of The Village to send someone to do the basic shopping that will last us until I can let The Girls alone and drive to the supermarket. And it is done. The Girls are better this morning. There is sun. So we are more optimistic. And I have learnt to tackle one thing after the other and one day after the other. Patience is the key for lots of things!

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    1. trentpmcd Post author

      I spent most of my life thinking that when I was sad and down it was depression and when I felt like I described here it was just being “listless” or “off”. It wasn’t until I heard people describing being depressed that I understood it was those days lived in the void that I had true depression. Lucky for me it doesn’t strike often or for long.

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